Our TTC journey. Stork wanted.

What a difference a few days makes! Great news ahead!

Well, I ended up getting everything straightened out at CMC. My bill will be for only $1,500. So not so bad in the end I suppose. I won’t be going to REACH.

ANDDDDD drum roll please…..

I GOT MY BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg! I can’t believe it! I am so shocked! I can’t believe it is my turn! My feelings are still remaining guarded. I’m scared to get too attached only to be crushed again. I am feeling very positive and optimistic about this one though! Really hope this is our rainbow take home baby!

So I tested yesterday and got a line. I called the RE’s office and left a message for the nurses to call me back with what I needed to do. I got a call shortly later. The asked me to come in for a HCG Beta and to check my Progesterone levels. I got the results in the afternoon and my HCG was 62 and P4 was 30. I was 12dpo. Great numbers! I just have to go back tomorrow to do the same tests again to make sure my levels are doubling every 48 hours. I’ll update tomorrow with the numbers!

I’m so excited! Please God let this be my baby! Holy cow – I’m pregnant!! 

 

Seriously CMC???!!!

So the RE I am going to is at CMC Woman’s Institute. However, I will be leaving. Promptly. And I will never use another CMC  based facility ever again. I have always stuck with Presbyterian and will continue to stick with them for a long time.

I called the RE’s office to talk to the financial counselor as I noticed the IUI posted on my insurance website. I needed to ask if DH’s portion was billed under that or if he will be getting a separate bill. Anyways, come to find out, I have a few bills that will be coming my way to the tune of $3,516 that I was totally not expecting. So you ask, what are these charges for? They are for the Hospital’s portion of the services I received. So because CMC Woman’s Institiute is a part of the Hospital – they will need to charge me as well as the Physician. Which I have already paid $500 for this cycle alone. So there are 2 components – Physician Fees & Hospital Fees. Glad n0 one told me this til it was too late!! I even went and talked to the Financial Counselor after my 1st RE visit on 7/23. There was not a single mention of these Hospital Fees. She also gave me a estimated cost for the IUI procedure and services. The estimate was only for the Physician Fees. And I looked it over thoroughly the other day and there is nothing on the sheet that says that Hospital Fees are separate or any warning or anything. How was I supposed to know this? Anyways, I am beyond livid. How are we supposed to come up with this extra money? We had expected to pay this amount for 3-4 IUI’s not 1!!! According to that good faith estimate it was only supposed to be about $1,000. Well we will end up spending over $4,000 for 1 stupid IUI that I don’t think worked anyways because timing was off. I feel like I was totally and completely misled. I am beyond pissed off. I cried all night because it such a financial blow for us. That is alot of money for us to spend! We could have gone on a very nice vacation for that price. I am deeply upset.

The half way decent news is that CMC Woman’s Institite is offering a 25% discount if we don’t run the claims through the insurance. Now I know my insurance, Wellpath, will not cover a dime of these costs as they are all coded as Infertility. And basically Wellpath sucks balls. So we are taking advantage of the discount. I guess it is better than nothing. So it brings it down to $2,637. Whoopeee. Not!!

So I will be leaving CMC Woman’s Institute as there is no way in hell we can keep up with $4,000 IUI cycles. REACH (Reproductive Endocrinologist Associates of Charlotte) is holding a free seminar on 9/25 – basically an open house to talk to the RE’s and talk to Financial Counselors. This is the only other RE in town. I signed us up for it to get an idea of how much everything will cost through them. REACH does not take our insurance at all (Not like CMC took it either) so we will paying 100% out of pocket for our expenses. I already made an appt with Dr. K at REACH for 9/27 @ 2:00pm so looks like we are going to move forward and not stop to try to save up some more money before trying again.

I’m supposed to test on Monday (12dpo) but am thinking of testing early on Sunday. So I can stop the Progesterone sooner and OV sooner so I won’t be cutting it so close to leaving for Buffalo. I still want to do the IUI next cycle despite these sets back. I guess all going to depend on how much it will cost and if we an afford it right away. Ugh. So frustrating. I can’t wait til I can post something positive on this blog.

 

<3 Broken

Well, things didn’t go as well as I hoped in the last post. I am pretty positive that I OV’d before I even had the stupid IUI. I had all those pains around 10am  – they went away later in the afternoon. And my temp went up the next day. I had the IUI that AM of the temp raise. What a waste of time and money. The egg was for sure already dead by the time I had the IUI done.  IUI are supposed to be done either 6 hours prior or 6 hours after OV. Mine was done like 24 hours after. Pffftttt. Story of my life. As always, it doesn’t work out. Not surprised bc nothing ever does.

I’m 7dpo and know for sure that I am out. I am due to test on Monday. It will for sure be a BFN. My positivity in this TTC endevour is non-existent. I feel like TTC has completely broken my spirit.

And of course I am set to OV next cycle when we have to be in Buffalo for a wedding. So I am making arrangements with an RE there in case I need it. As long as things go the exact same as this cycle then I should be able to get the IUI done on the morning that we fly out. I feel that is cutting things a bit too close.  But you never know and since I am such an obsessive planner – I have a back up plan.

 

 

Hot minute update!

Well, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve last updated! Lots and lots have gone on. I feel bad for neglecting my blog/journal!

The cycle has been going good for the most part. Did the Femara on CD3-CD7. I had an ultrasound last Friday where they found 3 >10mm follicles on my left and 1 >10mm follicle on my right. They told me to come back Tuesday, which was yesterday.

So I go back yesterday and they find 1 14mm follicle on my left and 22mm follicle on my right. Great news is that my lining was 8.9!!! I was so happy about that. I have had some issues in the past with a too thin lining. So I am very happy about that. They told me to do the trigger shot of Ovidrel last night at 10pm. You are supposed to OV 24-36 hours after the injection. I did it in my tummy (good thing I’ve gained a few pounds!) and it honestly wasn’t all that bad at all. The needle was thin. No problems at all.

Tim goes in tomorrow at 8am to do his portion and I go in at 10am for the actual IUI. I am quite nervous.

I am so nervous that I may have already OV’d or am about to soon. I took a OPK yesterday around 8pm and it was pretty darn close to being positive – usually for me that means that I will OV the next day. I never get a true positive til the day of OV. Sucks for me. But I used a cheapie OPK which sometimes throws me off. So I don’t know.

I woke up today and have had the worst achey feeling on my right side which is where the 22mm follicle is all morning. I am so scared that I am going to OV it soon. And then the IUI and money will all be a waste.

Well, here’s hoping that the egg stays put for a little while longer. Hopefully, I’m just feeling some after effects of the Ovidrel or I am just having some ovulation pains before ovulation. I did pull out the old trusty BBT to see what my temp was like today – it is a normal pre-OV temp. I really hope tomorrow’s is around the same. That would be perfect. But I am honestly not all that hopeful. Since the aches have eased up since the AM – I am sure I already OV’d and timing would be all off for this 1st IUI.

Putting all my trust into the RE. I know they do this all the time. I am just being a nervous nelly.

Two’s Company. Three’s a Family.

Well, AF showed her ugly face on Thursday. Went to the RE’s office on Friday AM during their open hours (6-8am). Which is great bc I can get everything done before work and no one will ask about all the Dr. Appts  I have to go to.  Got Estrogen bloods done and an Ultrasound. Ultrasound showed the cyst was still there but had shrunk. So last month it was 37mm and yesterday it was 22mm. I had to wait to see what my bloods showed to find out what was happening this cycle. Well, I waited and waited and waited. The nurse finally called me back after lunch around 1. My Estrogen levels came back great!! I could start the Med’s and IUI!!!

I went after work to pick up the meds. I budgeted $200 for all the meds I needed. Femara, Ovridel & Progesterone. Fertility drugs are not covered by my crappy insurance so I have to pay the cash price for them – and because they aren’t covered by my insurance – the money I pay doesn’t go towards the deductible either. Ugh. I was beyond excited when it came to only $56!! I couldn’t believe it. The hospital pharmacy has some great prices!! You go CMC!!

Anyways, I am super freaking excited to get this show on the road! I am beyond ready! IUI here I come!!

Really hoping that this 1st IUI is all it takes. It is costing us an arm and a leg. (Hopefully, it’ll be 2 little baby arms and 2 little chunky baby legs!!)

Ready to have our little family!

 

Nexxxxxttttt….

So it seems AF might actually be on her way. She is quite late. I am quite annoyed. I think the stupid cyst is making her delayed. I just want to move onto next cycle. I want to start the IUI. I also want to know if the cyst is gone. It better be. I am going to be so incredibly upset if it is still there and I have to do another all natural aka waste of time cycle again. I just wish my body would do something right. It can’t do one thing the way it is supposed to. I just want to be normal.

Not really much to update. Same old same old. I’m bitter, impatient and sad that this isn’t happening for us. I don’t understand. This is not how it was supposed to be. I am just so devastated on a daily basis. I am starting to wonder if this will ever happen for us. I feel nothing ever works out for us. I just so sick of it. I am sick of living my life in 2 week increments.

But Acupuncture is going great. I am really loving it. She gave me some Traditional Chinese Medicine to start once AF gets here. They are herbs called jia wei xiao yao san.

Going to go to Yoga on Saturday. So that will be nice. I could use it.

I started a new dinner thing. It is called The Fresh 20. It is a meal plan. Really awesome actually – I am doing our 2nd week of it and LOVE it. It is so easy. Basically on Friday they send me 5 dinner recipes and a grocery list consisting of only 20 items. You make those 5 dinners with those 20 items. It makes food shopping so easy and I know what we’ll be having. I’m not struggling to figure out what to make and going to the store everyday. It is saving money. And everything we have made has been so delicious as well. It is giving me something to look forward to and keeps my mind off things.

Anyways. Gotta run.

 

Feel useless as a woman…

Today I am having a hard day. As the title says, I feel useless as a woman. I am a woman, I am supposed to be able to provide my husband with a family. And I can’t do so. I feel bad for Tim. He wants a family and I feel he picked a lousy wife that can’t conceive. Had he picked a different wife, he most likely would already have a baby. I feel bad for letting him down month after month. We are approaching the 1.5 yr mark of TTC. I just can’t believe it. It is so sad. Then I feel bad for all the money we have to spend on my medical bills. It is atrocious how much this all costs.  We just paid Tim’s Fall tuition yesterday – we have enough in savings for next semester and a little left over for an emergency. We’ve got some very hard months that we will be strapped for cash with the IUI’s. We won’t be able to put any money what so ever into savings while we do this. I just don’t know anymore. I want to be PG by the end of this year and am just so afraid it isn’t going to happen. I am so scared that we will never be able to hold our own child.

Well, an update is that I am 7dpo and obviously not all that confident. I used stupid internet cheapie OPK’s and they were not good for me. I need to stop using them. They throw me off as they are hard to read. Anyways, I did a cheapie on CD13 and it looked kinda + so I followed up with a 1st Response OPK a few hours later and it was mega +. But eh. Don’t think we did it again. What else is new.

Just trying my best to keep up the hope and faith that this will happen for us. My positivity this cycle is fading completely today.


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