Yup, I am def in a funk this week. Just been pretty bummed this week since getting back from vacation. I just can’t shake this at all. I don’t know what is wrong with me or how to get it together. My chart is looking like crap. I don’t understand it. My temps are like a whole half degree cooler than they have been. My temp raise for OV was barely a jump. My OV was super late this cycle on CD17 – which it has never been before. My temps are still super low for me supposedly being in 2ww. I just don’t know what to think. I have a feeling my Progesterone test is going to come back bad this cycle. I just don’t know anymore. Sorry for another rant. I am finding it’s getting so hard to be positive about this anymore. It’s been too long… When will it be my turn?

I also am having a hard time accepting the fact that I am going to a specialist. I just can’t believe that this is our journey. Never in a million years did I think that this would be our TTC story. I was so naive in thinking that I would get knocked up that 1st month of trying. That was over a year ago. It’s so crazy to think that exactly a year ago – I was so optimistic and positive. Now, a year later I am pessimistic and negative. I wonder if I will ever feel happiness again. I feel so sad all the time. It is a hard pill to swallow to know that I need some pretty serious help in TTC. I never thought it would come to this. I am so worried about the cost of everything. We have money in savings but it’s dyndling down quite fast with Tim’s school and all my other medical bills. I am scared that we will use up all our money to just get PG – what the heck are we doing to do when I actually do become PG someday and have to buy all the stuff that a baby needs and how will we buy the stuff for a nursery.

I ordered a Fertility Yoga DVD today. I figure I should get in shape. I suppose a bit of exercise won’t hurt me. I think I might start walking every night with Snugs. I have gained like 6 pds in just like 3 months. I am finding my clothes are a bit more tight than usual. I need to get back down to my weight so I can fit into my dress pants in the autumn. I figure it is either the stress, Clomid and/or Progesterone doing it to me because I have always remained around the same weight for years and years. I have always been on the lower end of Normal on the BMI scale. It’s prolly a combo of all of them. I did read in one of my Fertility books about a study: They had some girls that were on the thinner side gain 6 pds and a high number of them got PG. Maybe I just need more fat – yeah right!!

I am also having to deal with 2 claims that were put through for my HSG incorrectly. For some reason, they decided upon themselves to code it incorrectly so now I am having to call and get them to fix it and re-submit the claims. They both put it through as Infertility (which is not covered by my insurance and won’t go towards my high deductible) when it is supposed to be Ovarian Dysfunction (covered and will go towards my deductible). I called the actual facility that I had it done at last month and they still hasn’t been re-submitted as of today. So I call them back and they said they just re-submitted it yesterday. So we’ll see. Then the actual Radiologist billing office – well, they are piece of work – let me tell you. I have called 3 days in a row. Today I had to leave a message. I have yet to speak to an actual person regarding my issue. How annoying and what crappy customer service.