Today I am having a hard day. As the title says, I feel useless as a woman. I am a woman, I am supposed to be able to provide my husband with a family. And I can’t do so. I feel bad for Tim. He wants a family and I feel he picked a lousy wife that can’t conceive. Had he picked a different wife, he most likely would already have a baby. I feel bad for letting him down month after month. We are approaching the 1.5 yr mark of TTC. I just can’t believe it. It is so sad. Then I feel bad for all the money we have to spend on my medical bills. It is atrocious how much this all costs.  We just paid Tim’s Fall tuition yesterday – we have enough in savings for next semester and a little left over for an emergency. We’ve got some very hard months that we will be strapped for cash with the IUI’s. We won’t be able to put any money what so ever into savings while we do this. I just don’t know anymore. I want to be PG by the end of this year and am just so afraid it isn’t going to happen. I am so scared that we will never be able to hold our own child.

Well, an update is that I am 7dpo and obviously not all that confident. I used stupid internet cheapie OPK’s and they were not good for me. I need to stop using them. They throw me off as they are hard to read. Anyways, I did a cheapie on CD13 and it looked kinda + so I followed up with a 1st Response OPK a few hours later and it was mega +. But eh. Don’t think we did it again. What else is new.

Just trying my best to keep up the hope and faith that this will happen for us. My positivity this cycle is fading completely today.

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