Our TTC journey. Stork wanted.

Just waiting…

Waiting for this, waiting for that. I feel like I am always waiting for something… Today I am just waiting on OV to happen so I can get on with the 2ww. I am CD 12. Should be by the end of the weekend at the latest.

I started OPK’s today. Def. negative so I don’t think I’m too close. Gonna just BD every other day anyways.

I’ve been able to remain quite calm, cool and relaxed. Feels good. Also trying to be more positive as well.

Acupuncture went wonderful. I loved it and loved the girl that did it. I already can’t wait to go back on Saturday. She wants me to try/change somethings:

1. No more dairy. Eeeeeekkkk! We eat ice cream every night. And I love me so cheese as a snack. This is going to suck. I started it on Friday. So far so good.

2. No more refined sugars. So I have to stay away from white rice, white sugar and baked goods like cake and cookies. This one isn’t so bad.

Those are the 2 things to work on. It’s going to be hard and a bit challenging – esp the dairy one but I’ll continue with it and  it will all be worth it in the end. At least I keep telling myself that.

 

Funny and so very true!!

Sitting this one out

I went to the Ultrasound this AM – things went well. Really liked the room and the fact that there was a TV screen on the wall in front of me so I could see everything that was going on. The tech was nice and explained everything to me as well. It was pretty cool. So afterwards, the Nurse says Dr. M needs to look everything over and we will give you a call after she does to give you further instructions on what will be going on this cycle.

Well, I ended up having 1 cyst most likely due to the past 4 months of Clomid use – she said it’s somewhat common. So Dr. M said that we need to do an all natural cycle so the cyst will hopefully resolve itself. That means no meds and no IUI this cycle. The meds can cause it to get bigger which is no good at all!! We can still give it an old fashioned college try. So that is the plan for the next month. Not do any medical intervention. Dr. M said that she has seen woman get pregnant on these off cycles. So maybe I will be one of the lucky ones! Here’s hoping!

In a way, I am relieved that I get a nice and relaxing month to just chill before we pull out the big guns named IUI. I’m not temping and prolly won’t do OPK’s. Just gonna let nature do it’s thing and see how it pans out. Then in another way, I am a bit sad that we aren’t doing the IUI as this is our last cycle to get the chance to only pay 1 deductible. Looks like we’ll have to pay the 2. Oh well. I can’t change the unchangeable. I need to just deal with it.

If AF shows (really hoping she stays away and I get a BFP instead!!!) then I have to go back before CD3 to get my estrogen bloods tested and an ultrasound to make sure the cyst is gone.

Oh yea, my estrogen was 101. Pretty high!

Still keeping the Acupuncture appt Friday. Getting more and more excited as it gets closer.

A record!!

I am making 2 posts in 1 day.

Bad news was just given to me. How quickly things change. My estrogen level was high (how wrong was I!!!). So I have to go back tomorrow AM (again between 6am and 8am – another early AM for me!) for an ultrasound to see if I have a cyst or if my estrogen is just high (which is still not good). I am figuring its a cyst bc that is just how things roll with me. I am not to start the Femara tonight. Just my luck. If it’s not one thing it’s another. I swear.

Oh yea. 1% of people taking Clomid can get a cyst. I’m prolly in that statistic because my body hates me. And if it is some Dr.’s like to give Birth Control Pills to get them to shrink down. Great.

This was basically our last month to make sure we would only pay 1 deductible. Looks like that isn’t in the cards for me. Hello $7,000 for the 2 deductibles. And god only knows how much we will pay for these IUI’s and drugs and everything. This is going to easily be well over $10k for 1 kid. I don’t know how we will ever be able to even buy anything like diapers or clothes after having to pay 10K to just be able to conceive a child (that everyone else seems to be able to do it for free!!).

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. It’s like a new issue is getting thrown at me every week. It’s so not fair. I don’t understand. I need a deep dark hole to climb into.

Prepping for IUI #1

Af arrived on Friday – of course – her perfect timing means a half hour after my RE office closes. Awesome.  So I went in this AM during their open hours of 6am – 8am.

I wasn’t too sure what to expect.

Here’s the low down:

I waited for a half hour in the waiting room. The nurse calls me back and we talk in the hallway. She says I need to go to another floor to get Estrogen blood work done. And tells me they will call me between 1 & 3 today to give me the results. I asked her if they are low if they will give me an Estrogen supplement. She says they generally aren’t concerned with it being too low – they are more concerned with it being too high. So, I wasn’t too thrilled about that. Estrogen is supposed to help build the lining & help with cervical fluids. Which I am lacking in both. I def plan to bring this up to the Dr. the next time I see her.

After work, I have to go back to where I just came from to go and pick up the RX from the Pharmacy for Femara. It’s only 3 pills so I will have to break them in half. That is how little of a dose she is giving me. Well see if I get more than 1 Follicle. I won’t feel all that confident going into the IUI with only 1 Follicle. I think 3 would give me a bit better of a chance of this being successful. But what do I know anyways. We’ll just wait and see what the Ultrasound says Follicle wise next week.

So I go to Floor #2 for the bloodwork. RE office is on Floor #5. The girl does my blood work is not so gentle whatsoever. My arm is already starting to bruise and it’s super sensitive. Like it hurts to extend that arm. Not cool. And I have freaking awesome veins. It’s never a problem. I usually can get in and out no issues. Not this time. Not to happy about that.

She said I will prolly go for the mid-cycle Ultrasound on 8/7. But I don’t have an appt or anything stating it will be that day. I have no idea how any of this works. Good news is that they do it early in the AM again so that means that I won’t have to take time off work so I can continue to keep our issues to ourselves. I find this all very private. I am starting to wonder what the RE will do when they do my lining on the ultrasound and find out it’s too thin. I wonder if they will cancel the procedure or if they will try to give me estrogen to help thicken it before we do the IUI. To me, it seems like a waste of our money if we go ahead with it with a thin lining. I feel like I am setting myself up for failure and it’s just a waste of money at that point.

I am also concerned with the length of my AF. So she started Friday at 4:30. I barely had anything Friday night. Then Saturday, she was def around. But then  Sunday I am back to barely having anything. It just doesn’t seem right. It is quite worrisome to say the least. Does not seem normal. And this was the worst it had ever been. Another thing to bring up the the Dr. about it being horrible and lighter than my usual light.

I didn’t get a schedule telling me when we can and can’t BD – so I guess we will just do every other day.

I feel still in the dark with things. I like to know what is going on so I can plan. Because I am a huge planner. Not knowing makes me nervous.

Good news is that I went ahead and made an appt with an acupuncturist here in town. I go Friday after work. She specializes in fertility. I am super excited to go. Hopefully, she can help me with some of my issues. Including my stress and general anxiety about all this.

 

 

A new plan…

It has been forever since I last updated. I had a few hard days and now am feeling a bit better. A few updates:

1. My Progesterone level this cycle was 52!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy cow!!! Way high, right??? I totally figured we did it this time – much to my disappointment. We did not. *insert sad face here* Ugh. I just can’t believe it. The higher level can mean a few things. The meds are working great and/or I OV’d 2 eggs. Because of the higher progesterone I was getting some pretty nice symptoms as well. I really thought we had it in the bag. I was beyond devastated when that stupid 2nd pink line never showed up yet again.

2. My chart was looking great because of the higher progesterone. Again, gave me the false hope that I was actually PG!

3. I had the stupid stomach flu which made me think I was having morning sickness. But once I started to get a fever – I knew it wasn’t from being PG.

4. Still dealing with the HSG billing crap. I got an invoice from them in the mail yesterday and called my insurance and they yet to resubmit the claim. Ugh. So I will be calling them on lunch to discuss my issues.

5. I accidentally forgot to insert my Progesterone last night so therefore it looks like I will be stopping it a bit earlier this cycle. AF should be here by Friday the lastest but it might be up in the air considering my levels were so high this time – it might take a while for them to drop to get AF.  I tested negative on the test yesterday AM so I know I’m not PG. Just will get to the next plan of action.

6. I went to the RE. Oh boy. This is going to be a long update – saving it for last. OK. First off, they are recommending IUI with Femara, mid-cycle ultrasounds & Ovridel (HCG injection – this will make me OV within 24-36 hours after I receive the shot). As soon as AF arrives I have to make my appt to go in and get some things done and they will give me a scheduled detail sheet telling me which days I need to do what.  Which will be nice – I won’t have to think about anything – it will all be done for me!! I am actually thinking of quitting temping!! It will take some stress off me. I will also need to get 2 Estrogen blood levels done each cycle – once before CD3 and again mid-cycle. Tim will need to go in to give his sample 2 hours prior to the IUI procedure. They will then do what is called a “sperm wash”. I haven’t read much about this but from what I remember reading in a book from a few months ago – they separate the strong and weak swimmers somehow. I am sure it is much more technical. Then I go in and they will put Tim’s swimmers in a syringe and insert them right into my uterus. Lots and lots of appt and time. And not to mention lots and lots and lots of money. Which I am quite very nervous about. I really liked the RE – she knows her stuff for sure. She spent a hour with me just talking!! And she answered my millions of questions.

7. The reasons the RE is recommending what she is: She believes that Clomid is not the best drug for me – She believes it is thinning my lining, which happens to about 15% of people and I just happen to fall into that category. But of course! And Clomid is making my fluids too thick and/or drying me up. So she is switching me off Clomid and putting me on Femara. Then we are doing to the mid-cycle Ultrasound to check my lining and follicles. Then we are doing the IUI to bypass my less than desirable fluids and get Tim’s swimmer to right where they need to be. Lots of info!

8. Time is getting to be of the very essence. Our insurance runs from June to June. If we conceive this cycle our baby would be born in late April/early May so we would only have to pay 1 deductible ($3,500) – same with next cycle – we would be due late May/early June so as long the baby isn’t late, it would all fall under 1 deductible. Which would be perfect considering how much we are about to start spending.

9. As of right now, Tim and I made a plan to do 2 IUI cycle rounds in a row. And maybe take a month or 2 on a natural cycle. Dr. M would like to see what my lining looks like normally without any drugs so this is the only way to do it. Plus, it would be nice to keep the costs down. We will see what happens though.

Phew! I think I’m done with this update. As I talk about this IUI I am getting more and more excited about it. I was really sad about it yesterday but I have come to terms now. And think it will be a good thing!!

Pity party for one

Yup, I am def in a funk this week. Just been pretty bummed this week since getting back from vacation. I just can’t shake this at all. I don’t know what is wrong with me or how to get it together. My chart is looking like crap. I don’t understand it. My temps are like a whole half degree cooler than they have been. My temp raise for OV was barely a jump. My OV was super late this cycle on CD17 – which it has never been before. My temps are still super low for me supposedly being in 2ww. I just don’t know what to think. I have a feeling my Progesterone test is going to come back bad this cycle. I just don’t know anymore. Sorry for another rant. I am finding it’s getting so hard to be positive about this anymore. It’s been too long… When will it be my turn?

I also am having a hard time accepting the fact that I am going to a specialist. I just can’t believe that this is our journey. Never in a million years did I think that this would be our TTC story. I was so naive in thinking that I would get knocked up that 1st month of trying. That was over a year ago. It’s so crazy to think that exactly a year ago – I was so optimistic and positive. Now, a year later I am pessimistic and negative. I wonder if I will ever feel happiness again. I feel so sad all the time. It is a hard pill to swallow to know that I need some pretty serious help in TTC. I never thought it would come to this. I am so worried about the cost of everything. We have money in savings but it’s dyndling down quite fast with Tim’s school and all my other medical bills. I am scared that we will use up all our money to just get PG – what the heck are we doing to do when I actually do become PG someday and have to buy all the stuff that a baby needs and how will we buy the stuff for a nursery.

I ordered a Fertility Yoga DVD today. I figure I should get in shape. I suppose a bit of exercise won’t hurt me. I think I might start walking every night with Snugs. I have gained like 6 pds in just like 3 months. I am finding my clothes are a bit more tight than usual. I need to get back down to my weight so I can fit into my dress pants in the autumn. I figure it is either the stress, Clomid and/or Progesterone doing it to me because I have always remained around the same weight for years and years. I have always been on the lower end of Normal on the BMI scale. It’s prolly a combo of all of them. I did read in one of my Fertility books about a study: They had some girls that were on the thinner side gain 6 pds and a high number of them got PG. Maybe I just need more fat – yeah right!!

I am also having to deal with 2 claims that were put through for my HSG incorrectly. For some reason, they decided upon themselves to code it incorrectly so now I am having to call and get them to fix it and re-submit the claims. They both put it through as Infertility (which is not covered by my insurance and won’t go towards my high deductible) when it is supposed to be Ovarian Dysfunction (covered and will go towards my deductible). I called the actual facility that I had it done at last month and they still hasn’t been re-submitted as of today. So I call them back and they said they just re-submitted it yesterday. So we’ll see. Then the actual Radiologist billing office – well, they are piece of work – let me tell you. I have called 3 days in a row. Today I had to leave a message. I have yet to speak to an actual person regarding my issue. How annoying and what crappy customer service.